Ok, so I don't listen to country music. In fact, most country music makes me want to shove red hot pokers into my ears. It's schmaltzy, saccharine, and way too much "blue jeans, beer, 'Merica, and trucks" for my taste. Except for the Zac Brown Band. I like them....
I was flipping through channels the other day on the radio and came across this song (apparently it's by Trace Adkins....I have no idea who that is, I find most of these guys interchangeable). It was called "You're Going to Miss This" and it was basically a bunch of set ups of people wanting to grow up....or wanting to "hurry through" something....and someone telling them to slow down, that they're going to "miss this and want it back".
And, because I'm pregnant and chock full of evil hormones....I bust out crying. Like ya do.
Crying over some sappy country song I would have otherwise flipped past with a gaggy-face.
Pregnancy man....emotions. Whoa.
I ain't gonna lie, it's tough around the house sometimes. Navigating self-employment for 8 years + starting a new business + selling that business + trying out a full time directorship this year + deciding "big fat nope" on that + 2 "strong-willed" kids + one on the way = big 'ole ball of Mom-Stress most days. And Dad-Stress too. Seriously. Both of us.
The patience river has not always run deep in this house. Most days it's run completely dry.
When Molly was born, she was a TOUGH KID. Colicky (like, real colic....not this "my kid cries sometimes colic")....a little sickly....half the time couldn't keep any food down. It was a ROUGH first year....and my husband and I just kept telling one another "It'll get better....she'll grow out of it....she'll get older and it'll improve". We worried because she was so small. We worried because she was "behind".
I feel like as a result, we missed most of her "babyhood". We just wanted it to be over and for her to be older because she struggled through it so much.
That Trace dude is right. I miss it....and sometimes I want it back. Even the tough parts. Because she's never going to be a baby ever again.
It's well established that Miss Betty is my "spirited" child. That's what they call 'em, right? The ones that have to argue EVER DAMN POINT until your head wants to explode? The ones who need to be told 5000 times to do something....and then they still only listen about 10% of the time. The ones who are too freakin' smart for their own good and illicit numerous phone calls from the school because she decided to tell an adult "what's what".
Yeah. That's my kid.
And she's ME. She's is SO. ME. This kid is going to rule the damn world someday if she can figure out how to tie her shoes and keep 'em tied.
We butt heads. A LOT. Because we are 2 peas in a pod. Betty will not let any perceived injustice slide. She is going to have her say. She's emotional....she's high strung. She's my kid.
I know some days her father and I are just BEAT. We've had it....and our lack of patience certainly gets the best of us.
But there are some days when we are playing songs on the stereo and she's dancing around like a goof and I know we are going to miss this.
All of it.
Even the parts where she is SO. NAUGHTY.
Because she will never be 8 years old ever again.
And someday, very soon, she's probably going to not want us to carry her up to bed....she's not going to want a story.....she's going to want us to go away and leave her alone.
I always knew life moved fast. I knew this after high school when suddenly 10 years had passed and I wondered what the hell had happened. In 10 short years my oldest will be off and on her own....my middle kid will be 15 and nearly driving.....my youngest will be 10 already.
I look around now and I realize our parents are becoming the "grandparents"......and I never realized my grandparents were "old" until they were gone. It snuck up on me.
I look around now and I realize I am staring down the barrel of 40. I'm half done already....nearly. It makes you hurt sometimes.
Soon it's going to be me and him in some rambling old house wondering why the kids never call us.
Life is TOUGH. PARENTING is freakin' tough. Every single day I'm convinced I'm screwing my kids up in an irreparable way and that I better start socking spare change away for therapy.
Now with #3 due in a matter of weeks I have to wonder if we are certifiably insane.
Because while parenting is tough....and you're constantly convinced you're doing it wrong....the #1 thing parenting is? It's heartbreaking. Really, the whole thing. Because it is SO. FAST.
I think that's why, deep down, I love what I do for a living. These small moments....these tiny glimmers of time when they are newborns....2 year olds.....5 year olds.....8 year olds.....Seniors in high school.....I get to freeze that. If only for a split second. So, people have something to look at 10 years down the road and say
"I miss that."
I need to work on being "present".....to BREATHE....and to maintain because they're only little for such a small amount of time.
Each day that passes, they lose a bit of that "little-ness". And it never comes back.
Guaranteed, I am going to miss this. I am going to want this all back someday.
So, my goal for the time being is to relax and try to enjoy it.....try to weather the tough parts and know that EVERYONE has tough parts.....that's parenting....and to know that my kids are going to be FINE. Better than fine, they're going to be awesome.